Secrets : A City's Coldness (Christmas Fluff, clean version)
by Dr.Dalek
Summary: Theta was never one to stay; he always ran when there was trouble. And he surely was going to regret that last time he ran off... Cute one-shot Koschei/Theta fluff with the M rated sequence deleted due to a friend's request but still the mentioning of prostitution. Inspired by Mariana's Trench 'Perfect'. Dedicated to Fractured Mirror.


Somewhere on Gallifrey inside of the famous and innumerable thousand-years-old Academy, hidden behind a large desk in a comfortable room some of the Academy's faculty members were making an important discovery.  
The Headmaster lifted his head and stared at the messenger of bad news as if he were a Dalek on Time Lord territory.  
"Run off? What do you mean 'Run off'?"

Prior to this a dark haired and rather anxious student had departed the Academy without anyone noticing it. In fact even his absence had been unnoticed until one of his roommates complained about the unusual silence next door – and he admittedly found it worse than the screams of "Koschei, get off my chest!" or "Koschei, if I find one more rat in my room tomorrow I'm going to complain to the charlady!" which had become a habit by now.

The young student, named Theta out of an accident,

(*actually 'named out of an accident' could be misleading; 'Theta', as a name, means as much as 'mistake' or 'accident'; and, well, some parents call a spade a spade)

rushed through the deserted streets of the large city; the main place, usually flooded with young Time Lords, was empty and silent. A thin blanket of snow started to cover whatever was unfortunate enough to be in the freezing open air.  
Unfortunately Theta was part of it.

Theta panted heavily and wheezed as he tried to catch his breath again.  
The frosty air was killing him… not literally, of course, otherwise he would find himself any minute now with a different face and different hair; and, that was sure nonetheless, he would definitely not be ginger.

It had only been the first cold night of the last two solar cycles; and Theta was already convinced that he wouldn't get accustomed to it.

'Winter' was a foreign word on Gallifrey (not only because it was English) but also because freezes and cold spells only happened every hundred years and snow was very rare. And, the way Theta saw it, it could bloody well stay this way.

Theta didn't dare to think about his warm room at the Academy… he was already shivering and sniffed hopelessly the cold morning air.  
He should have taken his blanket with him, Theta thought; but eventually he agreed with himself that it would have snowed on it as well.

The cold was merciless and stung in his lungs. Theta trembled and coughed as he squinted against the first of the arising twin suns. The broad light wasn't warm. It would never get warm.  
Never again.

Theta shuddered as he buried his hands inside his coat.  
He shouldn't have come here, he told himself over and over again.  
He never should have come here.  
He should have stayed where he belonged.

Theta sniffled and rested his back against the cold concrete block that formed the foundation of a giant statue, marking the victory of the Time Lords over lesser creatures… for instance those who'd inhabited the planet before them, thought Theta.

Theta felt miserable; probably more miserable than ever before.

He'd had enough of it.  
He'd had enough of it all.  
Theta couldn't even put his finger at what it had been; the last days hadn't been special.  
They had been normal.  
More than normal, actually.  
Boring.

Nothing had happened, really.  
Theta searches his mind and held his breath; the air felt as if thin spires and needles would bury themselves in his frozen lungs.  
He couldn't think straight.  
He was too cold. His brain must have frozen as well and left his poor synapses for the slow and certain death.

Theta huddled against the solid block behind him and cowered into a desperate and miserably heap of cold flesh.

He tried to turn his face against the sun, though he knew that it wouldn't warm him.  
But it was better than seeing nothing but the grey emptiness in front of him.

Secretly he wished for Koschei to find him.  
He smiled at the mere thought of him.  
Him.  
His Koschei.  
He wanted him to be close to him.  
He'd never wanted to leave him behind.  
But it was better this way.  
It was good in a bad way.

Theta coughed quietly. It became noon and he grew sick of people staring at him as they walked passed him. As if they had seen something offensive… something that shouldn't belong here.  
Theta shuddered as the icy wind swept past him.  
He had curled up into a ball and sobbed quietly as the sunset cast its red rays across the landscape.  
Soon it would be darker… soon the exiguous warmth of the day would be swept away by a sweeping storm, carrying its icy breath everywhere.

Theta remembered not being able to eat anything for the past few days as he became hungrier and more desperate.  
He never would have believed that he actually missed the Academy, that he actually missed this hell on Gallifrey, that he actually missed it and wanted to return as soon as possible.  
But either his limbs were already frozen stiff or his pride was killing him – he didn't find the courage to get up.

His sanity held nothing but a dismal assessment for him, indicating that he needn't try to return; he wouldn't come back, either way. It was freezing here in the cold and comfortless capital of freezing out in the wild beneath the sleeping icy landscape.

And he'd definitely prefer a cold night's rest a hopeless attempt to rush home.

Theta tried to get comfortable as he nuzzled against the cool concrete block.  
He closed his eyes as Koschei's face formed again in front of his eyes.  
His Koschei.  
The Koschei he missed more than anything else in the world right now.  
Koschei would protect him.  
Koschei would be there for him.  
He'd always been.

Koschei had always been part of Theta's life. And in the cold of the night Theta had to come to the conclusion that he was neither part of the bright sides nor of the dark sides of his being; he was everywhere in-between as well as both extremes.  
As if their souls had melded into one inseparable composition.  
But Koschei had always been there… he'd never left him alone.  
Not in the saddest hours of his life. He'd always been there.

"Didn't find a warmer place?"

Theta opened his eyes and stared with tired eyes at a dark figure in front of him.  
He would have yawned but he tried to keep as much cold air out of his lungs as possible.  
"Who are you?" asked Theta, his subcooled mind lacking better replies.

"Your last chance for tonight, I guess."

That answer was scaring and threatening at the same time. Theta looked up, his mind as clear as a crystal ocean. He looked into the stranger's covetous eyes with an innocence and blankness that frightened him as he caught a glimpse of his own reflection.

"So, are you coming or not?"

The stranger's voice had something both reliable and incalculable; he reflected dreadfulness.

Theta got on his feet clumsily and tumbled into the stranger's arms; he heard him chuckling as he grasped the smaller student's cold and twitching shoulders.

Theta followed him blindly; he followed him in hope for a better place (that was either the hereafter or a room with at least one oven).  
His only question seemed as forlorn as his appearance was already indicating:

"Where are you taking me?"

The stranger's reply didn't leave much room for speculations:  
"Somewhere where you needn't think about the cold."

Yeah, but probably about death, snapped Theta's inner voice.

Theta walked silently beside the stranger; the snow beneath his boots crunched steadily.

Theta sent several wordless prayers to any Gods who might be listening. He cursed himself for following that, obviously, indecent offer.  
And though he felt bad about it there was a part of him that was eager to find out what would happen next.  
As though his thoughts were caught in constant war… always arguing… always disagreeing.  
Or he was simply going mad due to the immanent cold and hunger.

Theta didn't think much as the stranger took him to a sleazy motel and dragged him into a room that definitely needed some fresh air.  
Theta remained unmoved as the stranger's lips closed in around his own… though his taste evoked strange feelings.  
There was something he knew… something he'd savoured before.

The stranger pushed him off as he was finished and guided his steps into the small bathroom.

Theta felt that he could die for a hot shower... and actually he felt like dying as he stepped into the warm and crackling hotness that soon bedabbled his body.  
Theta breathed in deep and let the purified life rush back into his veins, into his icy skin and his freezing bones.  
He felt reborn, he felt stronger again and more alive than ever before...

Unfortunately his sanity came back to him again, indicating:

You're alone. In a motel room with another man. A stranger.  
You're screwed.  
Quite literally, added his defrosting humorous side.

Theta felt the uneasiness spreading throughout his warming body, followed by the streak of panic that knocked him off his feet.  
But it wasn't that bad for him, his half-conscience tried to explain to him; that way he wouldn't even feel _what_ would be done to him...

Strong hands grabbed Theta around the waist and straightened him up; the first thing Theta saw were his shaking feet; and then, as the water rushed over his head, it was kind of a blur again.  
Theta wreathed beneath the determined hands and felt himself reaching for his groin, helplessly trying to cover his bareness.

"Please don't" he whispered barely audible and spat as the water rushed over his head. He wriggled beneath the firm grip.

"Hold still" demanded a muffled voice; or maybe the voice wasn't muffled but the water kept running into his ears; either way Theta was getting nervous again.

"Don't touch me!" snapped Theta and banged his fists against the arms that held him tight.

"I said hold still!"  
Theta's shoulders were squeezed tightly and he let out a bloodcurdling howl as he got turned around and forced against a cold tilled wall.

A hand cushioned his roar and Theta winced at the forceful fingers grabbing him by the throat.  
He stared a very annoyed Koschei in the eye.

Theta's mouth dropped open and while his lips struggled to form the beloved name Koschei seized the opportunity and silenced him with a kiss.

Theta had tears in his eyes and shivered all over; Koschei broke the kiss to gasp for air. He grunted and stared Theta deeply in the eye.

"Following the first stranger that offers you a warm bed in exchange for your canine devotion."  
Theta panted and grabbed Koschei by the shoulders again.  
"Shut up" he spat and collapsed against his friend.  
"How much did he pay?"  
"Nothing" snapped Theta as he tried to get a grip on both the reality and his jittering body "And turn on the water again, I'm freezing."  
Koschei chuckled and opened the tap. Theta let out a cry of relief as the feeling returned into his numb limbs.

Koschei was soaked to the bones and out of sheer absent-mindedness Theta removed his clothes  
"You didn't even get paid?" repeated Koschei.  
"For any God's sake Koschei, can you stop speaking about it? I'm going to pay for it nonetheless." Then his sanity kicked in again.  
"What are you doing here, anyway?"

"Protecting you from the evil of the world" chuckled Koschei; "Really Theta; you didn't even last two days without doing something stupid."  
"I can look after myself, thank you very much."  
"... said the one who had a stranger's stranglehold over him.  
"I mean it!" snapped Theta.  
Koschei sighed and wrapped his arms around him.  
Theta choked back his tears as he leaned against Koschei's guarding body.  
Koschei stroked his back tenderly.

"What are you even doing here?"  
Theta's head was pressed against Koschei's chest. The constant rinsing of the water washed away his silent tears.  
Koschei owed him an apology.

"Why did you run away?"  
Koschei's voice reflected his honest sobriety.  
Theta paid him back by not answering his question.  
Koschei grabbed his chin and pulled his head up; Theta evaded his gaze.  
He felt the inconvenient truth broiling up inside of him.  
Koschei stroked his temples with great care.  
"From _whom_ did you run?" Koschei pressed on.  
"From whom?"

"What do you think?" said Theta bluntly, still unwilling to look him in the eye.  
Koschei digested it quietly.

He popped his head to one side; the hand that was busy stroking Theta increased its force.

"So why did you run from me?" asked Koschei unmoved.  
Theta growled quietly; Koschei could have at least pretended to be dismayed.

Koschei grabbed him by the chin again and forced him to look him in the eye.  
"Theta-Sigma, why did you run from me?"  
"Because you're a bloody idiot" snapped Theta and pushed Koschei back; Koschei didn't offer resistance and watched him attentively.  
He could imagine what kind of lecture was to follow.

"Do you want to know it? Do you _really_ want to know it? Because I can't stand you any longer, Koschei! I can't stand the sight of you! Can't you see what you're doing to me? Just like this, why do you look at me like this? I know what you're thinking, Koschei, I know your innermost thoughts; and I had thought that you knew mine."

Finally, thought Koschei; at last he's speaking up.

Theta didn't hold back his tears any longer; Koschei had watched him cry on a regular basis; Theta had always been the emotional part.  
Theta couldn't have said the same thing about Koschei.

"You're too stupid to even see what you're doing to me! What you want, what you need has been killing me! I was always trying to be everything for you, Koschei; trying to be everything that you want me to be. And it's driving me mad, Koschei!"

Koschei held his peace and listened to Theta without batting an eye.

"I said yes, I undressed, I did anything to make you proud; I did anything to make you love me, Koschei. Yeah, you've heard right, I'm as stupid as you, telling you how much I love you when I know that you'd never do the same for me!"

Koschei looked aside, letting his gaze slip out of the room and chasing away the few snowflakes that floated gently through the air.

Theta had calmed down as soon as Koschei's mind was back in the room. He'd sunken to the floor and curled up into a ball.  
Theta's eyes were red and rubbed soar; he hadn't stopped crying.  
But Koschei soon felt the wetness himself. His finger's reached for his cheeks, disbelievingly.

"Koschei, are you crying?"

Theta was sitting in Koschei's lap, his face buried in his chest.  
Koschei had neither denied it nor admitted it.  
He'd watched Theta crying many times and under the strangest circumstances.  
But somehow it was different now.  
Somehow he felt Theta's hearts bleeding and his inside darkening and tightening;  
and it hurt. His own two hearts hurt.

There they were; lying in each other's arm; shedding each other's tears.

After several hopeless attempts to pick up the conversation again Theta managed to draw Koschei's attention with four words:

"Is he still outside?"

Koschei lifted his head a bit; then he considered this again.

Eventually he nodded.  
"Seems so."

Theta huddled against Koschei.  
"And what, pray tell, are you going to do about it?" asked Theta after a while.  
Koschei didn't give it much thought; he shrugged.

"Making the best out of it, shan't we?"  
He pulled his struggling Theta closer.  
"Koschei, are you mad? We can't just stay here when he's still..."  
"The door's locked" interrupted Koschei motionless.  
Theta shut his mouth again. He caught sight of Koschei's bewildered stare and tried to ignore it.

"You can't be serious" he said after a while.  
"Reading my thoughts again, weren't you?" smiled Koschei.  
"I'm not going to do that" Theta folded his arms "Not here, not now."  
"It will teach him a lesson" Koschei went on as he placed his hands on Theta's soft thighs.  
"Like what?"  
"Like making sure that window is closed when someone as beautiful as you are is taking a shower."  
Theta kissed Koschei's neck; he brought himself to a smile.  
"Shame on you, Koschei."  
"Save that for later."

While the two Time Lords started to enjoy themselves, and apparently each other, in the steamy room, the Author's attention was miraculously drawn to a festive flock of robins.  
Those tiny and gracile animals whirred through the air, chasing each other, mocking each other and playing along while foraging.

Nothing could have disturbed those delicate little creatures; nothing could have interrupted their dreamy little play; not even the Time Lord's exhausted cries and curses that protruded from behind the half-closed window.

The adorable red-bellied swarm plunged downwards, and while the Author held his breath he was relieved to see that his feathery little friends landed softly on the snow, the icy surface scrunching delightfully under their little claws.

As some of the younger and agiler ones started to hurdle across a frozen puddle and glided over the ice with an unearthly grace, the Author sighed as he knew it was time to take interest in the activities of the two hopeless Time Lords again.  
While complaining about the world's injustice he dared to peer through the window again, only to be disappointed by what was done in there and how it was done.

He cleared his throat several times and tried to think about the amazing seasonal birds until silence filled the room in front of him.

Two friends sagged against each other's chest, their hearts slowly calming down from the exertion.

Koschei rested his head on Theta's shoulder as he stroked the soft skin on his back.  
"Next time you're running away from me, take me with you."  
And Theta bit back a smile.

_The Doctor had never been to Central Europe before; not during the Christmas season. And Jack had to admit that he had set no great story by being here._

_The Doctor inspected a crowd of people that was gathering near a Christmas market.  
"Really, a sunny day just before Christmas" mumbled the Doctor before turning to Jack.  
"You said you've been here before?"  
"Just once", agreed Jack, his fists buried in his coat pockets; "And I didn't like it."  
"Yeah, you told me about it" the Doctor went on while they approached the richly decorated huts; "But you said there were bomb craters and dugouts; not nice people congregating."_

_Jack looked at the bright blue sky.  
"That may be because I was here during the Geilenberg programm, fighting the Luftwaffe of the German Wehrmacht during World War II" grumbled Jack.  
"Nice place, really" smiled the Doctor; "I've been here before in 1920; they have redecorated; I like it."_

_Jack rolled his eyes and disappeared to get something possibly hot and hopefully alcoholic to drink._

_The Doctor's attention was drawn by a young girl, a girl of possibly seventeen years, trembling beside a closed hut, searching shelter from the cold.  
As soon as Jack had returned with two steaming cups the Doctor snatched one from his hands and moved over to the girl, ignoring Jack's shouts and complaints._

_He squatted down beside the shivering figure.  
The girl's eyes stayed fixed on him as he handed her the cup.  
"May any God reward you with a friend; a friend like I had."_

_The girl didn't hesitate to take the cup and thanked him politely; and the Doctor knew that it wasn't necessary for her to grasp it;  
Prayers may or may not be heard, regardless of whether or not they're understood; old Time-Lord belief._

_"__I'm not even allowed to cast a glance at any of those people and you rush off making a pass as soon as I leave you alone."  
Jack came to a halt beside the Doctor; the Doctor stared earnestly at the distance.  
"Who is she?" asked Jack curiously.  
"I don't know" admitted the Doctor.  
"What did you say?" Jack went on.  
The Doctor shrugged before stretching.  
"Nothing; nothing important."_

_"__I never know what's going on as long as I'm with you" mumbled Jack.  
"Doesn't really matter, does it? Cheer up, Jack. It's Christmas! It's time for good deeds. And as I have already performed mine by giving away my drink munificently would you be so kind as to get me another?"  
Jack sighed and handed his cup the Doctor.  
The Doctor darted one last glance at the girl enjoying her hot drink.  
Her eyes had frightened him. _

_Jack sighed and wandered off with the Doctor by his side.  
"You do realize I'm paying for all this?"_

_"'__Tis the season to be generous, Jack."_


End file.
